I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
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You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
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I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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