So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
