If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
