enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wear drunk well.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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