Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
