I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize