so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
