My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Randomize
