i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
