the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
