guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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