i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize