She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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