Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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