Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
