I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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