Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
