i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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