Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
