You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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