wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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