He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
