We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
