you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
