plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
