So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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