You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
