I'm going to jail i love you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Congratulations! We have a period
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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