I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
