I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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