I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
