Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
