The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
