She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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