I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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