you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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