This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
