Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize