grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
