There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
