DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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