i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
