you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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