You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
