At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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