I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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