I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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