Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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