Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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