Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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