My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
