ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
