I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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