He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
