Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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