I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the day after is always just damage control
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't turn off my feet"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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