covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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