I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
