Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
