is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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