It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Farmville is her only friend.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
